*Results Not Typical

Growing up, I was always a little bit on the chubby side. My freshman year of college I got up to about 170 or 175. Then I started to lose weight in February or March that year (2004). I lost 30 pounds and everyone told me I looked great- and I did. Of course I didn't think so then. My self image has always been horrible and my confidence has always been low. It went up a little with losing the weight but I still thought I looked fat and needed to lose at least 20 pounds (putting myself at 125- the weight I've always wanted to be for some reason). I met the man who is now my husband in June of 2004, right after losing the weight. It was such a whirlwind romance and I wrote in my journal within 2 weeks of meeting him that I knew he was the man I was going to marry. I realize that's kind of a crazy thing to say but I just knew it deep in my heart- and turns out I was right. We got married on August 26, 2006.

Anyways, I'm getting off track. Basically, after we met we started going out to eat all. the. time. We would hit our favorite mexican place almost every other day! Eventually, by September the next year (2005) I had gotten up to 190. I finally was determined enough to lose the weight and I got down to 148.5 by April the next year. (I have my weight written down by the way, my memory isn't that amazing) But then something came along that made it impossible for me to lose any more weight; I got pregnant.

Boy, was I happy I had lost that weight before I got pregnant! I would have hated to start out a pregnancy at 190. I had my daughter on January 30th, 2007 and she is truly a miracle and a blessing from God. I can hardly even write about her without getting teary-eyed. Anyways, when I gave birth I was about 215 pounds (yeah I gained a lot). A couple days after returning home from a hospital I was 190 again. So I started my weight loss journey all over again. I lost a steady 2 pounds a week (on average) until I was down to 163.5 in the middle of May. (I was breastfeeding basically full time this whole time too) I really just tried to eat a lot of fruits and veggies, whole grains, lean meat, and low fat dairy. You know, just eating healthy. I tried to limit dessert to once a week or so and never really had junk food. We would go out to eat about once a week. But then we moved in the middle of May and for some reason that really messed me up. I think I just got out of my routine, and we probably had to go out to eat more than normal during the couple days that we were moving and I have never recovered from that. Yes, it's been over a year and I've gained weight steadily ever since then. By October 1st of 2007 I was back up to good old 193. For some reason this is so embarrassing for me to write out. I think the worst part is that I lost almost all of my baby weight and then gained it ALL back, plus some. I just wonder why... why would I do this to myself? It's got to be so unhealthy to go up and down in weight so much. So then I decided to try Weight Watchers. I didn't actually pay for it or go to the meetings, but I figured out how many points I needed and my mom had the books so I did it that way. I did it for 2 weeks and lost 7 pounds but I didn't stay on it. So my weight started to climb again. In January of this year, my mom told me she and my grandma would pitch in to pay for me to go to meetings and actually participate in the program. By this time I was at 211 pounds. So I did it and was successful for a while. I ended up losing 13 pounds by February but for some reason I just couldn't (wouldn't) do it anymore. Which leads me to now. I am at my all time highest weight ever, even higher than I was when I was 9 months pregnant. How did I get here? Well, every day I would tell myself "I'll start tomorrow" so I would let myself eat anything I wanted that day. Then the next day I wouldn't start, so I would do the same thing... over and over and over. But I never have given up, not even for one second, on losing weight. I'm one of those people that hates buying big girl clothes, i.e. clothes that fit me now. I lived last winter in sweatshirts. Now I'm living in my husbands t-shirts that make me look even fatter than I am. I want to be a good example for my daughter, and I hate that I'm not. I have to hide the food I'm eating from her because I don't want her to eat it. That's how bad it is. I feel so hypocritical because I always make her eat really healthy yet I eat absolutely terrible.

But thank goodness for weight watchers! A plan that really makes it easy to lose weight... hopefully for the last time.