BCM- There is a Cure...so why is it so hard?

BCM= Body Clutter Mission

What is your image of beautiful?
Not sure. Beautiful can definitely be something on the inside and outside. In general, I feel pretty confident on what I have on the inside.

The best description I can give of beautiful (remember this is MY perception)...in the ideal world to me...
slender, thin face, cute hair, nice smile...that would be the main picture that comes to my mind.

Diet schemes that you have tried and how you did with them and what you felt about them.
In 6th grade I had SEVERE depression and ended up being hospitalized because of it. At this time I was anorexic. I think the anorexia was more due to my depression than really feeling like I was so fat that it was my only option. There was a sense of accomplishment with it, however. Like I was in control of something. (This was 1 year after my little sister died.)

I have done some weird fiber cookie diet when I was in 8th or 9th grade for a short period of time. I had been complaining to my mom about how I felt about myself and she was doing this diet at that time and offered them to me as well. To some degree I felt like my mom agreed with what I was saying and was trying to help me with it.

Slim Fast Shakes- I don't know that I really ever lost any weight doing these. In some aspects it was good for me because I felt like I was getting SOMETHING in for breakfast. I really struggle with getting breakfast in, most days.

Various weight loss pills advertised on TV or bought in the store. None of these ever seemed to really do the trick for me either.

South Beach Diet- I lost 15 or so pounds real quick just as the diet promised. I followed it very strictly for the 2-week 'jump start' thing and then gradually started adding back in those foods that I wasn't supposed to on the plan. I quickly regained back this weight.

Meridia Weight Loss Prescribed Pills I loved these! I didn't feel overly jittery with these pills and I could get on the scale almost daily and I was just watching the pounds melting away. However my habits never really changed because the weight was dropping just by 'being'. Again, I gained it back.

Weight Watchers this is the main plan I find myself going back to. Just because in my complicated/analytical brain it makes sense! Now sticking to it is another story. This is the one plan that my doctor is a big fan of because of the healthy habits it teaches you. When following rather closely to my allotted points I was losing the weight with this.

Phentermine Prescribed Pills make me feel extremely jittery and make me sweat excessively even when I'm just sitting. I'm sure these could have the potential to help me lose weight but I don't take them consistently enough because of the side affects.

Go back to your teenage years and what do you remember about your weight? After finishing these thoughts, try to associate the areas of weight gain to what was going on in your life.

I never felt pretty enough or good enough to be liked by cute guys that were worthwhile because of my self-image. Looking back now from an objective point of view, I looked just fine and I really think that I looked pretty and slender. After turning 18 and moving back to my hometown the weight started slowly creeping up on me. At that time I went from working full-time as a CNA (very physical job) to working part-time and going to school to be an Administrative Assistant. So this definitely played into it. At this time in my life I was very unsure of what the future was going to bring for me. I was starting to date my soon-to-be husband again after a rough period of time between us and was dealing with some negative feelings from some bad choices that I had made.

Do you have any health issues related to your weight?
This was a HUGE eye opener for me and a pathetic realization. I've said for several years that I don't want to wish myself some bad health-related problem, but it's almost what I need to really kick me into gear. As I was reading this particular chapter I had an 'AH HA' moment. Just what do I think obesity is? Why do my knees creek and hurt so bad all of the time? Could it be the extra 80 pounds I'm carrying around on them? Same with my back. My back problems began back when I was a CNA and I've had problems since...but does having additional weight help IT any? Obesity IS a health-related issue. Who have I been kidding? And there are so many things that come as a result of obesity. Hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc.

I'm shaving additional minutes/days/years off of my life the longer that I continue to carry around this extra weight. What an epiphany!!