Diary Of a Mad Fat Woman

Comment

Comment by Maureen on December 12, 2008 at 2:02pm

Hi Lisa,

You could be living in my shoes, the words you use and the feelings you have are so painful to read. You are a beautiful woman and without knowing you I'm sure you have accomplished much in your life. You need to begin to look at some good things. There must be positives no matter how small. You do really want it. But it's hard. It is a mental decision to forgo the immediate gratification and look at the big picture. I sat around getting bigger and bigger, stay at home Mom, taking care of my elderly father. Happy enough, but not really in touch with my feelings. I think I was numb for years. Then my dad died and I fell apart. I still couldn't feel who I was and I was amazing when I was younger. I think I forgot myself, everyone else was more important then I got heavy and lazy and I was really unimportant. Finally, slowly, I became more important. I started to try to feel as good as I could about myself. I started to dress up and get some outfits to make me feel good about myself and people saw the difference. Pretty soon, I wouldn't leave the house without checking myself in the mirror to make sure I looked as good as I could. I felt pretty again, after many years of not feeling or feeling like crap. I began to be worth the extra time it took to think about what I would wear, this all coincided with joining WW again! And I found an incredible leader, who I connected with. I never knew what that was like, to find someone I would want to hang out with, who was successful and wanted me to be successful. It all happened slowly and I've gained some weight back, I will make my goal, slowly but surely because as LOREAL says I'm worth it. I finally believe that I really am worth it and you are too. You have something to say and something to give the world that is unlike anyone else and someone will benefit from you. I already have. Your comments above is an eye opener that I need to hear and see and remember. I refuse to waste anymore time, staying home, avoiding parties, avoiding playing with my kids, avoiding living. I am fun and life is way too short. Live well and good luck. Like the good witch told Dorothy, we had the power all along, we just have to believe it. God bless.

Comment by Shanna on December 12, 2008 at 12:54pm

Wow, you are so right. Wanting to lose weight and actually doing something about it are two different things. I do the same thing about cheating myself. I don't know why, maybe I don't want it bad enough. Weight loss begins with the mind set that you are going to do it. I hope you find your mind set.

Comment by Tawnya on December 10, 2008 at 10:14am

Yes, you have to REALLY want it. One day I woke up and thought what in the world has happened to me. I REALLY wanted to not be obese anymore and something just clicked and I did it. I am still struggling with my weight and have never been able to get to my goal or to a "happy" place. I think after losing 100 lbs. I was just happy and content with what I had accomplished. Then I would let myself slide until I started to gain again and then I get back on track, this time on ww I am the smallest I have ever been but have been fluctuating back and forth for the last month or two. I really want it, I really want to go wedding dress shopping and I am going to do it! I have been trying to get my fiance to do ww with me, but he only half ass does it. I told him the same thing, you have to really want it. I can't do it for you and the weight isn't going to just fall off on it's own. You have to stick to the program and really want to succeed. It is possible to lose weight and you can do it if you REALLY want it.

Comment by Mommy2Ema on December 9, 2008 at 7:31pm

Lisa,
I feel your pain. While everyone's situation is different, we all have something in common- dependence or love of food. I have yo-yo-ed for most of my life. I am 29 and I remember dieting as early as 10th grade because I already had poor body image. I only weighed 120-125 pounds and was 5'4". For all intents and purposes, I was thin, quite thin, but I couldn't realize it then. Now, I am 60 pounds heavier, and I have gained and lost so many pounds I could never keep track. But you are right, you can't do anything until you really want it. You can say you want it, but your brain knows whether you mean it or not. Food dependence is a, I think, much harder habit to kick because it's not like you can go cold turkey (no pun intended). You have to eat and the temptation is everywhere. I think if you focus on small things, it will happen for you. Making your goals bigger will definitely lead to failure. Start by thinking of something little- like, "I will replace 3/4 of the soda I'd usually drink with water" (or something like that). Even if you don't do it one day, don't give up. Just try again the next day. And when you think you've done a good job with that one goal, mix in another one. It's not easy. It's a ridiculously slow and torturous process. But, if you are trying for a baby, you can keep in mind that your chances of conception and smooth pregnancy will be much more likely if you are healthy. This probably makes you feel more stress and makes you want to have something tasty- but it will pass. Have a piece of gum, take a shower, even brushing your teeth can help... or, pick up those knitting needles and make a hat for someone less fortunate than you! :) There are lots of things to take your mind off of the pain... you just have to shut down that voice that tells you to go to food first. Good luck to you!

Comment by Julie on December 9, 2008 at 7:22pm

Lisa, I can relate...in fact it took "hitting a wall" emotionally - sort of drawing a line in the sand...no more, i was going to muster every bit of energy to lose weight - a little anger, inspiration, revenge...thats what it took to shake me up...and I did it...I got off my booty and started moving and moving...and cutting off late night eating - taking all that knowledge I had from years of "knowing" what I should be doing it - and finally doing it...guess what happened? My attitude, my optomism, my self confidence, my self-love...just by getting moving and doing it - each day, my love for myself grew until I really wanted it for me - not for revenge - but to feel good :) We all deserve to feel good and to have physically strong bodies that can take us to the places we want to go - to help us meet life's challenges...Corny...

So I say - there's not time like the present to "See it, Be it, Live it" - think of the woman you are and the women you admire from afar that you would like to steal some "traits" from...,I wanted to be active and fit - energetic...and believe you me - I was FAR from it ..but I put one foot in front of the other...and I got there...and you can too...just start moving...taking babysteps, taking care of your spirit along the way...You can do it...I know...I was 41 when I woke up and made changes that helped me shed the weight...and more importantly these changes made me HAPPY inside...focus on that...do active things that make you happy inside and the weight will drop off...eat healthy, beautiful food...find substitutes...research...be smart...YOU can do it .