No matter the plan... we all Blog to Lose!
I feel totally LIBERATED!
Today I had my first appointment with the councelor. It was a great session. I really liked her and all that she said. I gave her my life story....and DANG.... did it have some serious ups and downs!......but it felt good to talk about them. I tried to not only listen to her, but I tried to listen to myself. I tried to hear myself speak and understand myself. I left feeling great and completely liberated! I cant wait for my next session! I know Im doing the right thing and that I need help. I know Im not in serious trouble......but I know that I could be... if i dont make changes NOW. This is why I went to get help and this is what I learned about myself today.
1. I have some deeper issues within and I need to learn more about them. I have gone through many addictions and now my addictions are with food and exercise. I think it stems from low self esteem.
2. I can be food obsessed. I need to learn more of a balance.
3. I am scale and number obsessed.
4. I need to learn to eat intuitively. I let calories in and calories out rule me. (It used to be points)
AND...these are the things I am going to do this week to help get me to a heathier place mentally.
1. Good bye scale! WHAT? Did I really say that? Yes...I did AND Im going to do it because that is what she recommended NOT because I want to. Im scared. I feel like the scale has helped me maintain and be accountable. I am really afraid of gaining the weight back. She wants me to find my SET POINT. The weight where my body maintains naturally and is happy. I have worked really hard to stay around 125. It has been rough. Almost like my body doesnt like that number.
2. Goodbye Bodybugg! WHAT? Did I say that too? Yeah....its time. I need to learn to eat intuitively and not be calorie obsessed. No more logging food and that also freaks me out. Im afraid of eating too much. My Bodybugg has helped me maintain my weight for the last 8 months. Again...where will my accountablity come from? Im scared. Im not sure if I trust myself.
3. I am going to read the book Intuitive Eating.
4. I am going to eat when hungry and stop when full. I wont think about calories but I will continue to eat healthy clean foods.
I just have to quickly say that It was interesting today when I left her office. I felt so liberated but then the feeling of "I can eat what I want" came over me. Almost like I am no longer accountable so I had the freedom to eat whatever. I knew that feeling was bad, but I felt it. I had to tell myself that just because I wont be weighing or tracking....doesnt mean that it is an invitation to pork out. This is going to be a struggle. I know I can do it though. I have to. I want to be healthy menatlly as well as physically. I want to be normal again. The whole DIET mentality has screwed me up. There HAS to be a better way and Im bound and determined to find it!
1. I have some deeper issues within and I need to learn more about them. I have gone through many addictions and now my addictions are with food and exercise. I think it stems from low self esteem.
2. I can be food obsessed. I need to learn more of a balance.
3. I am scale and number obsessed.
4. I need to learn to eat intuitively. I let calories in and calories out rule me. (It used to be points)
AND...these are the things I am going to do this week to help get me to a heathier place mentally.
1. Good bye scale! WHAT? Did I really say that? Yes...I did AND Im going to do it because that is what she recommended NOT because I want to. Im scared. I feel like the scale has helped me maintain and be accountable. I am really afraid of gaining the weight back. She wants me to find my SET POINT. The weight where my body maintains naturally and is happy. I have worked really hard to stay around 125. It has been rough. Almost like my body doesnt like that number.
2. Goodbye Bodybugg! WHAT? Did I say that too? Yeah....its time. I need to learn to eat intuitively and not be calorie obsessed. No more logging food and that also freaks me out. Im afraid of eating too much. My Bodybugg has helped me maintain my weight for the last 8 months. Again...where will my accountablity come from? Im scared. Im not sure if I trust myself.
3. I am going to read the book Intuitive Eating.
4. I am going to eat when hungry and stop when full. I wont think about calories but I will continue to eat healthy clean foods.
I just have to quickly say that It was interesting today when I left her office. I felt so liberated but then the feeling of "I can eat what I want" came over me. Almost like I am no longer accountable so I had the freedom to eat whatever. I knew that feeling was bad, but I felt it. I had to tell myself that just because I wont be weighing or tracking....doesnt mean that it is an invitation to pork out. This is going to be a struggle. I know I can do it though. I have to. I want to be healthy menatlly as well as physically. I want to be normal again. The whole DIET mentality has screwed me up. There HAS to be a better way and Im bound and determined to find it!
Tags: eating, esteem, intuitive, maintenance, self
Comment
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Comment by Jackie on October 7, 2009 at 7:35pm - Food can be a real addiction for many people ( I include myself in that estimation). Good for you that you are taking steps to conquer it with mental focus. If you are getting rid of your Bodybugg I'd put my name in the ring to buy it. I've been going back and forth with either a bodybugg or a GoWear Fit to help me get the calories I need for my marathon training but not overdoing it like I definately did for my 1/2 marathon training over the summer which is evident because I was logging the miles but not losing any weight. I rarely created the deficit needed to lose the weight, I always ate & overate my running calories. I'm glad you are in the mental space to start intuitively eating, I think we all hope to get to that point in our lives- to retrain our minds for healthy eating. Good luck you can do it!
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Comment by StEpHaNiE* on October 7, 2009 at 5:09pm - I'm so glad your first session went so well! You sound so happy! The changes you're making are scary but I think you've reached the point that they're necessary. You can't live the rest of your life on a diet and it sounds like your new counselor is really going to help you make that a reality!
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