Sheryl Crow and the Flood

It's four o'clock, and I'm taking a break from overhauling my kitchen. It's WAY overdue. My house has been messy for the past few months, but the threat of a major flood definitely put things in perspective. Thank God the dyke didn't break. Being evacuated, even for a day, was really scary! I've never been evacuated before, and one of the reasons I wanted to stay in Washington was our lack of major natural disasters. So today we are blessed with an intact home and great support. It's been a emotional couple of days.

Two days ago I planned all the food I was going to eat, and had plans on going to the gym and seeing my friends. Instead, the Coweeman river was rapidly rising, and we had to move the important things in our house up high just in case. I made a turkey breast for dinner (we bought two turkeys at Thanksgiving and cut one up), but made it early in case our power went out. We left our house around 7pm to go to my mom's, so we ate turkey breast there. I had a few grapes, and later on PDub had a ham sandwich.

Yesterday morning PDub woke me up at 4am to watch the news. The Coweeman hadn't crested yet, so it wasn't safe to go home. We went to town to look at the Cowlitz, and I was starving, so we went to breakfast. We live in a small area, and there is only really one restaurant between my mom's and our house. So what did I eat? Two pancakes, sausage gravy, two eggs over easy, and two sausage links. That's right. And I ate the whole thing. I was so exhausted and anxious and scared that I didn't really want to think of healthier choices at the restaurant. I just wanted to eat. One good thing, though, is that I wasn't trying to eat my feelings; I simply didn't choose healthier or lower points foods.

This is usually the turning point in the story. Every time, this has been where I have not just fallen off the wagon, but jumped off and ran in the other direction. This is where I start stuffing my face with junk food- chips, orange soda, two Totinos pizzas at a sitting. But I didn't. I ate my breakfast. It was good. I counted ALL the points, wasn't dishonest with myself, and now I'm blogging about it to keep me accountable. The rest of the day I ate a banana, 4 cups of light butter popcorn, and three plates of stir fried veggies I made that night with a little hoisin sauce. All in all, it was a good day. I don't even feel like I really was "off plan" or made a mistake or did anything negative. I always believed that part of addiction means that once you start, you don't stop. But I did. I ate it. I counted it. I went on with my day. Counting everything I've eaten today, I still have 25.5 weekly points until Sunday. I'd say that's a triumph.

As I'm cleaning and scrubbing and organzing my kitchen, I'm listening to a Sheryl Crow cd that I inherited from my father when he died. I grew up on this music. I loved it, and I have very distinct memories of it from my childhood. "Strong Enough" came on, and it instantly brought back memories of eighth grade. Always the fat kid, boys weren't interested in me life they were in the other girls. I was one of the fattest girls in my class. Even now, I'm sure I'm in the top 10%. I listened to this song on day after school, crying because a boy didn't like me. Funny that I'm listening to this cd now. I haven't listened to it in years.

I'm no longer that fat, scared, angry, self-loathing little girl. I'm in control of myself and my life. I am becoming a smaller, healthier, happier version of myself...a version that my father would be happy to see. Thank you, Sheryl Crow, for helping me remember the past and look to the future.