The Numbers

I'm a visual person - I learn when I see things, I register and remember things when I can visualize them. This is why the scale has been such an addiciction for me - I needed to SEE a number, to have a number to associate with myself, to tack onto myself, to compartmentalize and file away "me" for today. For example, today I AM 184.

But the scale, and those clear, precise numbers, have also been my downfall. Last week, I tried so hard. I avoided temptation, I counted my calories and stayed within range. I didn't exercise much, but - I went from 183.8 on Monday to 181.4 on Tuesday - I was THRILLED! I felt like another week of effort would bring me into the 170s, I couldn't wait. And then... I made a special supper for special guests and ate too much of it. Binge-like. And I got on the scale Friday morning, and it read 183.8. I erased the whole week with one misstep.

Now, LOGICALLY I know that I didn't. That that 183.8 wasn't "real" - that day to day weight fluctuates, and that I should just be good for another day and I'll see that I didn't really gain it all back. But that number, that nasty nasty 183.8 made me throw up my hands. And eat. And I ate terribly all weekend.

ARGH!! Why is it that after taking two steps forward, if I slip back one step, I just turn around and start running backwards?

I KNOW that I will constantly slip up - I can't eat perfectly and exercise daily for more than a week, sometimes two. But neither can anyone!!! EVERYONE slips up - no one started the weight loss journey and stuck to their regimen perfectly from beginning to end, losing consistently and never slipping up. Everyone slips up - and yet there are success stories out there! I want to be a success story too! And I can slip up, and I might as well expect it now. But if every time I slip up, I get back on track as soon as possible, then all my efforts will eventually add up. Yes, it will be frustrating, and yes it will take me longer than I want it to take. But if I don't despair, I can make it happen.

Here are my numbers, calculated according to the BMI (Body Mass Index) for my height, 5'3"
Right now - 184 - obese
Immediate goal - get out of the 180s.
169 - overweight
141 pounds - normal weight
130 ? - ultimate goal

Okay. I slipped up on Friday, and stayed down all weekend. But I have picked myself up and am starting again today. If I get up this fast regularly, then I will reach my goal. I am stronger than the chocolate! WOOHOO!! :)