Starting out...

I keep looking for blogs of people just like me, so I can pick up their exercise habits and eating habits and magically steal their weightloss for myself. But everyone's a little older, a little shorter, a little heavier or a little lighter. Most people are either losing a nice round number (100 lbs, yay!) or tightening up after a few months of slacking (15 lbs woo!). I'm a little different.

I'm 23 and heightwise, I'm 5'8"-ish. I used to be taller; in high school I was nearly 5'10". Without scoliosis, I would probably be close to 5'10 or 5'11. Through junior high and high school I wore a Boston-style back brace in an attempt to stop the progression of a relatively severe onset of scoliosis. Puberty and beyond spent encased from armpit to ass in heavy plastic and foam may be great developer of character, but not so helpful when it comes to being active during the years where physical fitness should peak.

I hated that damn brace. I couldn't do anything comfortably, not even sitting. I had to wear stupid clothes to conceal it and even those stupid clothes didn't help. The lower parts of the brace rubbed holes in relatively new pants, and as a kid in a private school, I had to keep making do with the clothes I had in order to follow the dress code. So yeah, I got patches. On my ass.

And I got weird boobs, because the brace pushed my chest up and away from my body, but not in a corset-y way. It was the opposite of support. My boobs are kind of sad.

I had a tummy-tuck when I was 17, almost immediately upon being released from the brace for good, because the brace forced a good deal of fat and skin tissue down, to make a big poochy formation across my pelvis.

As you can imagine, I was the hottest 17 year old ever. I think that age is when I should've felt the most beautiful, and I felt horrible. I developed depression becaues first I couldn't move, then I couldn't move comfortably, and I still haven't learned to be mentally comfortable while exerting myself. Years later I still feel confined, though it's probably more about my weight at this point.
Some facts about me:

I weigh 245 pounds, on a good scale and on a good day. I have gained 61lbs since I graduated high school, for no reason at all. A good 40lbs of that was all in the first 18 months after graduation, where I moved into a trailer with my sister, who I didn't get along with at the time. She was someone who enjoyed life and breaking the rules, I hated life and was envious. Drama, drama, drama. I hid in my room and ate doritos, sour patch kids, and Ben& Jerry's while I watched Guys & Dolls and the Godfather over and over again.

I wear size 18/20 pants and there's some debate over shirts. Generally I'm a large 16 or a small 18. I think I'm hot, usually... until I see people who are actually hot. But I have a boyfriend who loves me, so I'm alright.

Bras are a nightmare, because most of my weight centralizes on my tummy. (Oh, she's so lucky! That's so easy to hide! Not really, unless YOU want to constantly look pregnant. And my butt is big.) My chest is something around a D, but I am somewhat willing to trade that to be healthier. And more confident.

I love the idea of all-natural, garden-fresh, sugar-free, wheat-free, but I can't really afford any of that.

My comfort foods when I'm home are black beans and brown rice with cheese (lots of it) or peanut butter and jelly. I also have started enjoying a pretty basic salad of lettuce, sweet corn and croutons.

My comfort food out of the house is french fries. I love them, especially from one of the local pubs. My Mister and I used to hit the pub at least twice a week for dinner, but the fates intervened and my wallet was stolen, and for various unforeseen reasons, my i.d. has been nearly impossible to replace for about 6 weeks now.

I am a Christian; I totally believe in this method of religion as my church teaches it. I think I have the best church ever; the pastor is a straight shooter, but also has love for everyone who crosses his path. Even me, the unwed step-mommy to my boyfriend's daughter, who was conceived when he was 17. Tell me that's not awesome.

I'm not sure how I want to go about this Losing Weight... thing. I did South Beach for about a week, but I hate eggs. (Unless they're irish-benedict, over corned beef hash with hollandaise. Any benefits to eating eggs are totally negated in that case, but ohmigod it'ssogood.) I did Weight Watchers for a few days, but we eat out alot. When I eat out, I want to eat something I like. Not so easy when you're limited to a salad, a salad, or a wrap...full of salad. I don't think any diet that largely eliminates something your body needs is a good thing. I'm not going to quit carbs and fats, but choosing better ones would be interesting.

I'm on a budget, and I'm limited for space. No heaping mounds of fresh veg and high-quality meats for me. Living with my boyfriend and his family means I'm limited to a single shelf in the fridge, a mini-fridge (which currently contains a quarter of a watermelon and several beers) and foods that can be stored on a bookshelf.

I'm on a tight budget, cause I'm poor. Actually, at the moment I'm unemployed. I'm super hungry, and the good ol' standby of beans and rice is calling my name. I wonder if there's a healthier way to eat it, and if it will taste good...