It's amazing how the pull of quick weight loss can derail me from my path.

I have been reading PastaQueen's blog archive and it's amazing how she managed to lose so much weight and she did it with such honesty and humor. And reading through her blog motivated me! I started putting together a plan for how I was going to lose weight. It was several pages long. It was so long, I decided to write it in Notepad and post it over several days. But before I posted, I started noticing my behavior.

As my "start date" approached, I found myself eating a LOT. I started thinking about what I wanted to eat before I started my big eating plan. And I stopped listening to my hunger so I could "get it all in" before the big day.

And the cycle begins again. I had somehow fooled myself into thinking this was different than all the other times I had dieted. It wasn't.

The internet is so great because we have so much information at our fingertips but it's also a great distraction from ourselves. I was able to live vicariously through her for a while and it was intoxicating, but it made me lose my way.

But she also helped me find my way back. She writes several times that each person has to choose their own path and the more I read, the more I realized I was depending on her (and Roni and all the other blogs I read) to tell me the way. Give me the answers. The only problem? They aren't me. And each of us has our own path that we need to follow. It's taken me a LONG time to realize that. I just want someone to give me the answer!!!!!

But if I truly look inside myself and look at my past behavior, I know what I need to do. It's not going to be magical and I'm not going to see a scale constantly moving down. It's sad, I don't want to have to do it this way, but I can't change myself, I just have to adapt to who I am! And it's time I start being honest with myself.

SO, moral of the story, back to normal eating! I need to focus on blogs, books and articles that relate to the way I am losing weight. That will help me stay focused.

So back to getting in touch with my hunger. I also started a push-up challenge with my husband which is ok for my leg. I bought Core Rhythms which looks SO FUN but I probably won't be able to start for a bit because of my leg. I think I might sign up for www.myyogaonline.com and see if I am able to do it. It'll be fun to have the variety! And I am cooking more which is good. But I am going to stick to cooking things I love!

Okay, that's enough for today. I wil get back on track and I will find my way. I have a new measurement posted for this month. The bright side is I am staying pretty much the same. Kind of reassuring considering I let myself eat whatever I want and I am not perfect all the time.