Does anyone have an unsupportive family?

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Permalink Reply by Matymus on June 4, 2008 at 1:28pm

I know exactly how you feel. Though I no longer live with my parents, my wife is both supportive and a hindrance...all at the same time. She thinks I need to lose weight, she encourages me by challenging me when I want to eat junk. She tries to compromise by cooking some "healthy" meals. Her understanding of what's "healthy" and my understanding don't always agree. Also, she's unwilling to clean out our cupboards of the junk food she likes to eat, mainly chips. So, again...she's supportive in some ways, yet not committed to being fully supportive. Avoiding being tempted by some of the junk food is basically my problem, not hers. Make sense?

Growing up, though, I had a very difficult time when it came to any type of real support from my parents. My stepdad pretty much saw me as a failure and that I'd amount to nothing. My mother tried to be helpful, but she was probably pretty similar to your mom in regard to her "support" for my weight loss efforts. I can relate. My advice to you is this: don't count on your family. I know that sounds rotten, but let's face reality. I've pretty much come to the same realization. That's why I joined this blog, because I need more encouragement and support than I've gotten from my wife in this area of my life. That shouldn't be the case, but it is. Because my wife has never been overweight, she just doesn't understand my struggle. That's not a knock against her, it's just the truth. That being said, it's up to me to compensate somehow. And it's up to you to compensate as well. You're going to have to work harder at this than somebody else who has a fully supportive and committed family. Make sense? You have to really want this. Not for them or anybody else, other than yourself. And when you need the encouragement, let those of us on this board know...that's what we're all here for. We're all in this together, ya' know? You can do it!

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Permalink Reply by Karen on June 4, 2008 at 2:13pm

Kate, your parents have put you in a difficult situation. It's never a waste of time to try to change unhealthy habits. Can you offer to plan/cook meals on a frequent basis? Suggest more grilling or broiling? If you can eat the "meat" - could you add your own veggie sides? Why not buy your own veg/fruits and do that? All it takes is a zap in the microwave or one pot on the stove. Maybe you need to totally cook your own meals before or after your parents. That would be inconvenient but doable. It's your body and your life. Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Arlene on June 4, 2008 at 2:40pm

That's tough. I have a boyfriend who's not all that encouraging ... in fact, I gained weight after meeting him and he doesn't mind. (I think he likes the fact that my chest grew again!)

As for your parents, is there any way you can convince them to clean out a shelf of the fridge so you can stock healthy foods there? You could buy it yourself, if you have a place to keep it.

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Permalink Reply by Krysten on June 4, 2008 at 4:53pm

I feel your pain! I lost the first part of my weight in college and when I moved back in with the 'rents after graduation, I struggled & got out of the routine of eating right. Now that I have my own place, I'm still struggling to get back on track. With my parents, they aren't blatently unsupportive but they don't eat very healthy so it's soooo hard resisting around them. My mom always buys candy, chips, etc... On a positive note though, if you can lose weight when you are living with your parents, you can do anything!! :) I know you can do it...remember no food tastes as good as being healthy feels.

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Permalink Reply by Kelly on June 4, 2008 at 8:05pm

I sometimes feel not entirely supported by my boyfriend. He has a complete opposite metabolism to mine - that is, he struggles to maintain 150lbs on his 5'7" frame on a good day. And that exactly what I'm striving for - 150lbs on my 5'7" frame! He supports my working out and being active, he regularly works out himself and has run 3 marathons. He encouraged me when I brought up the idea of running a half marathon about a year ago and even ran the last quarter mile of my half marathon with me last fall when I completed it. HOWEVER, he eats chips and cookies and ice cream (again, with no gain...), and though he will ask me if he can pick up some things for me at the grocery store to keep in his fridge for when I'm over, he generally fails short of the mark when it comes to paying attention to my instructions about how to pick out WW-friendly snacks.

The situation is not quite as serious as yours. I laud your decision to live a healthier life! The way I combat my bf's failed attempts at buying the right food is, as someone else already suggested, by providing my own. I just keep a stash of 94% FF popcorn at his house, and grab no less than one piece of fruit to take with me on the way out the door to his place. I would suggest you try to offer to make dinner for your family and see how they like it. Wow them with the ability to make "healthy" taste good!! Sounds like baby steps might be the way to go. Good luck, and keep going, you're doing great!!

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Permalink Reply by TheLadyCampbell on June 5, 2008 at 10:54am

I don't know if it's doable for you, but when I was living with my parents and trying to lose weight I bought all my own food and snacks. Now if they had something in the house like graham crackers, fresh fruit and veg, or yogurt I'd snack on that freely. At the times there were no healthy alternatives other than what I'd stocked up on.....I'd eat my food. Even when I'd go for the weekend to a friend's house. I'd take 1 huge bag or grocery bag full of my own food. I ended up losing 30lbs all together but I gained it back plus about 30 more because I did not maintain my lifestyle. Whatever changes you make, do all you can to keep them permanent. So don't just quit all the stuff you love cold turkey, find a healthy medium so you can have those things, but be in control of if.

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Permalink Reply by Nellie on June 5, 2008 at 1:54pm

As a parent, I really took it seriously to provide healthy alternatives for my daughters when they were
still living at home. They would sometimes request certain fruits or snacks when I would go grocery-shopping, and that is what I would bring home. Trying to make a change for better health is never a
waste of time. It may be difficult for you now, and that is unfortunate. Try to make the best choices
you can with what is before you, and when you are in a position to make some of the purchases for
yourself, make them healthy as well. Many of us are in this "battle" for a lifetime.

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Permalink Reply by Honi on June 5, 2008 at 4:51pm

That has at be hard.. I am a long way from living with my folks.. but I have struggled all my life.. Support is very important and sometimes you have to create your own.. Can you go grocery shopping with your mom and pick out some more healthier fare for yourself? Would they be okay paying for that? .. Try to keep the negative noise out of your head and focus on the positives.. sister bf etc.. You can do this.. it will not be easy but you can do it.. there is always a way!

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Permalink Reply by SaucyWench on June 9, 2008 at 10:04am

Here's what I did when I moved in with my parents and lived with them for four years:

I went shopping for groceries /with/ them every single time to make sure my own food needs were met. I made dinner at least three times a week and ate out with my friends at least two, but I made good choices when I went out and made sure to cook something that was tasty and healthy at the same time. That made it five nights a week that I was in charge of the meals. When my mother cooked, I just made sure to plan my food for the day around dinner and expect X amount of points for dinner, but I could always control my own portion size.

Also, do you work at all? I worked part-time and asked for my own shelf in the cabinet and area in the fridge for my own food. I paid for some of my food that way and made sure I had my own snacks and choices should I not have them in front of me otherwise.

Hope this helps!

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Permalink Reply by HungryHippos on June 27, 2008 at 2:42am

Maybe you could offer to cook a few meals. I don't know too many people who would turn down someone cooking for them. Plan something that is healthy but also tasty. If they like it, then you can tell them how healthy it was. Maybe they will see that eating healthy doesn't have to taste bad.

You could also go to the grocery store with them not as in trying to influence what they buy but just to go along. You could very casually make some suggestions. It doesn't have to be "I'm on a diet. Let's buy some grapes." It could be "Hey, those grapes look delicious. Let's get some for a snack" I think a lot of it is about approach.

I think people often are negative about dieting because they are scared of it or offended that someone might be saying they need to diet. I have acted this way with my mom in the past. I would just be at a point in my life where I didn't want to eat healthy because I didn't think I would lose weight no matter what I did. Now that I see that eating healthy is actually pretty tasty if you're creative, and I love it. I also see that if my mom had approached the topic in a more gentle way, I might have been more receptive.

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Permalink Reply by Ana on July 30, 2008 at 11:07am

Gasp, *breaks into tears and hugs Kate* I'm not alone!! I'm in the same boat, honey. I live with "the mother" who is unsupportive (even though she could stand to lose a couple too lol) but yea, she buys the groceries and complains that since everybody else isn't on a diet, then I need to stop being selfish (!!!) and think about others. I don't think it's bad for skinny ppl to eat healthy too, do you? I've gotten her to buy more fruit but she complains when no one else is eating them and the fruits go bad. I can't force everybody to change their lifestyle because of me so she's constantly saying I need to learn self-control. But everyone knows you don't put someone who's trying to recover bad habits and make new ones in a bad environment. I think slowly she's starting to realize it because she started to buy the fruit. Try explaining to your parents that the reason you haven't succeeded is because your environment hasn't changed. Ask them "would you let a recovering alcoholic work in a bar?" In order to succeed, you have to remove yourself from the environment or change the environment you're in. They'll probably throw at you the "Oh but you can't change the whole world, how are you supposed to avoid that?". So in response you should say, that your major eating environment is in the home and it takes 21 days to form new habits and also that they are the ones inhibiting your success and at they're age, they should be eating healthy too. I dunno if I helped much, I've got my own monkey on my back. But hopefully you can get through to them. We just have to outwit them Kate! They can't keep us prisoner for long....we have to pick out their retirement homes, you know! lol *cackles* mwahahaha. I'm just kiddin but when it's my turn grocery shoppin, she's not gonna like the food I'm bringin home thats for sure lol.

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